


For Attention

by TheAverageDorkYoudExpect



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Biphobia, Coming Out, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Misunderstandings, Moderate Cussing, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, References to Depression, References to Insomnia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 11:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13612602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAverageDorkYoudExpect/pseuds/TheAverageDorkYoudExpect
Summary: In which Michael's a dick. (featuring pining Jeremy)





	For Attention

“We’re going to play a game, okay? Tell us your name and one thing about yourself. You can start.” She gestured to one of the kids wearing a graphic t-shirt adorned with a little robot.

“I’m Michael and I like Pac-Man!”

It was the beginning of nearly twelve years of friendship.

Tiny kindergartener Jeremy wasn’t so antisocial- Not yet knowing of the struggles of societal hierarchy yet.

So he approached tiny kindergartener Michael at recess, stumbling on his tiny kindergartener legs.

“I like Pac-Man too!” He squeaked out.

Michael looked him up and down disapprovingly. “Mommy says that you shouldn’t lie.”

“Wha-? I’m not lying!” Jer protested indignantly. “I really do like Pac-Man!”

“I did that when I was really little too.”

Jeremy frowned, looking down at himself. “Do what?”

“Say that I liked things ‘cuz the other kids did. Mommy says I do it for attiten- attentia- attenshun? Something like that.”

“But-”

“’s okay though. We can still be fwriends.”

“Really?” Jeremy asked with wide eyes.

“Yeah!”

\--

“Remember what Ms. Reid said today?” Twelve-year-old Michael asked seven years later, referring to their extravagant science teacher.

Jeremy’s nose scrunched up in concentration, trying to remember the daily science trivia. “That _whatzits-name_ \-- some kinda tortoise has a longer lifespan than humans?”

“No!” The other boy exclaimed, flapping his hands. “I mean, _yes!_ But not what I meant.”

“So..?” Jeremy prompted after a minute of dead-silence.

“So what?”

“Are you gonna _tell_ me?? C’mon dude!”

“Oh! Right, well…” He blushed, looking down. “So, we’re learning about evolution, right?”

“Yes.” Jeremy whined. “Get on with it.”

“Well, humans have stopped evolving, but that’s beside the point. The point is- remember what she said about recent evolutionary mutations?”

“Uh, yes?”

Michael went on. “How like, some species have to accommodate to rapidly-growing populations?”

“Yes? I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“And that’s why some people are…”

“Are?”

“Y’know.”

“No! I don’t know!” Jeremy cried, flushing. “I’m too oblivious for this. Just tell me?”

“Gay.” Michael said snippily. “Humans evolved gay so that the population doesn’t get out of control.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, well…” The hoodie-clad boy sighed. “I think I might have that evolutionary mutation.”

“You’re..?”

“I’m sorry! I can’t help it, I just-”

“Wait, Michael, calm down. It’s fine.”

“Really?” Michael sniffled, looking at his friend hopefully.

“Really.” He assured, pulling him into his arms. And as he held his best friend, stroking his hair comfortingly, he didn’t mention the hours of late-nights spent scouring over the internet for terms, didn’t mention his own orientation. That wasn’t important now and this was Michael’s moment after all. But it had to come up sometime or another.

Jeremy’s moment came much later.

Three years later, to be exact.

_Sophomore year._ They were at Michael’s, lazily basking in the sunlight pouring in from the windows. Just talking. Like bros.

Well, one of said parties wasn’t acting very bro-like internally at all.

“So, uh. Did ya do something new with your hair today?”

_Jeremy._ It was Jeremy.

“Hair gel?” Michael questioned. “Dude, I wear this like… every day.”

The paler leaned forward to bury his face in his friend’s locks.

Michael laughed, pushing the shorter off. “Jerbear, what are you doing?”

Jeremy giggled. “It smells good-”

“Yeah, that’s why-”

“NAH, AH, AH! No interrupting! I was going to say… It smells good but I like it without gel better.”

“Huh- Why?”

“Because! It’s soft.” He ran his hands through Michael’s hair, making it stick up all over the place. “Plus, it’s cute.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Right.”

Jeremy laughed until he was wheezing and practically bursting at the seams with affection for this boy. “Hey, Micha. Can I tell you something?”

“Always.” Was his immediate answer. “What’s up?”

He crept forward until he was level with Michael, breathing by his ear. “I’m bisexual.” He whispered.

Michael burst out laughing and Jeremy shrunk in his skin, leaning away from his best friend in concern.

_Was this a good sign or-?_

“Oh, Jer! You don’t have to say that for me.”

_**What.** _

“What?”

“I know you feel like I’m like… an outcast or whatever but you don’t have to pretend to be gay for my sake.”

Jeremy frowned, the peaceful moment shattering before his eyes. “I’m not gay, I’m _bi_.”

“You- You’re serious?” Michael asked.

He nodded.

Michael leaned back on his palms, whistling dismissively. “Ya know, if you’re too scared about the harassment with coming out as gay, I have your back all the way dude.”

The other teen’s eyes narrowed. What. The. _Hell._ “ _ **I’m not gay!**_ ” He snarled.

He held up his hands defensively. “Jesus, calm down. I just don’t understand.”

“I like boys _and_ girls, Michael!” Jeremy screeched. “What is there to understand?!”

“How are you supposed to date anyone, though? How are you supposed to commit to a single person if you can’t even commit to a gender?”

The brunette lifted himself from the windowsill, stalking to the door.

“Wha-? Jerbear, I just-”

“Text me when you’re done being a dick.”

He slammed the door behind him.

\--

A few days brought a few texts from Michael:

**PlayerOne:** I’m so sorry, Jer. You know I love you and I'd never do anything to make you uncomfortable purposefully. If you need some help sorting out your feelings and everything, I'm Heere, okay?

**PlayerOne:** here*

**PlayerOne:** I pun-ify ur name so much that my phone autocorrects it lol

**PlayerOne:** I miss you

**PlayerOne:** talk to me?

**PlayerOne:** please, im sorry

Another week passed and brought with it apologies and forgiveness, which was a tad bit difficult on Jeremy’s part. But he took him back. Everything was… _back to normal_ , but. Jeremy hadn't exactly forgotten, per se.

They were hanging out one day when Jeremy brought it up.

“You know, that thing that caused the fight wasn't cool, dude.”

“You're still pissed?” Michael asked, rolling his eyes. “Jesus, give me a break.”

“Give you a break?” Jeremy burst out suddenly. “Give _me_ a break! I came out to you because you're my best friend and I thought I could trust you.”

“Yeah? Well obviously, I can't trust _you_ to not lie to me!”

“LIE?!”

“Yeah, you're just doing this for attention, I bet. You thought to yourself ‘Michael's getting all his attention for being gay so maybe I should too and people would like me’. But you still want to be able to gush to me over all the girls, right? Is that it?”

Jeremy just stared, blinking back waterfalls.

Michael scoffed. “That's it, isn't it?”

“I thought that after years of being tormented for your sexuality, you of all people would understand.”

“What? Understand you lying so that people will notice you? You pretending to know what we go through? Are you kidding?”

“I _know_ what you go through!”

“No, you don't. You don't truly know what it's like to be judged for being yourself.”

“I do now.”

Jeremy’s exit was as calm as his response and Michael was left wondering what the hell he'd done wrong.

\--

Jeremy took him back. Jeremy _always_ took him back.

“Now this is getting ridiculous.” Michael groaned the third time Jeremy said something about it.

“I'm just making sure you know.” Jeremy assured him.

“I _know_. Like I said before, I can help you figure it out.”

Jeremy cocked an eyebrow. “You're like… four years too late for that, bro.”

“I mean, you're going to have to choose sooner or later. Might as well be sooner.”

“Excuse me?”

“Unless you’re just a whore.” He said off-handedly.

“Michael, what the _**fuck?!**_ ”

“I mean, you've brushed off all the other reasons why you'd be lying. It would make sense. To say that you're bi, I mean. If you're choosing everything with your dick and you just want to-”

“Get. Out.”

Michael glanced over worriedly. “What?”

“ **GET OUT OF HERE!** ” Jeremy screamed, curling himself into a sobbing ball.

\--

“Hey, I’m uh… going to therapy every week now.”

“Good for you. I have depression and insomnia.”

“Right.”

“Do you have a fucking problem?”

“You’re just doing it for attention, like always. Grow up, Jer.”

“You think I'd be lying about something like this?”

“You don't exactly have the best record with the truth, Jeremiah.”

“Shut the fuck up. I'm not lying, okay?”

“So you just have depression-”

“Yes.”

“-conveniently when I try to tell you about my issues?”

“Is it so hard to see why I never told you?”

“Can’t you be a supportive friend for once? Why do you always have to make it about you?”

“Goodbye, Michael. Thanks for the ‘reconciliation’ or whatever the fuck you called it.”

\--

**PlayerTwo:** I love you, Michael. Even though you don't deserve it. Goodbye.

By the time Michael reached the text, it was far too late.

“Jeremy, he-?”

“It's over.” Jeremy’s dad confirmed, his voice raw and scratched from crying presumably.

Mr. Heere held out an envelope and Michael snatched it from his hands, eyes greedily devouring it. It was cream. His name was hastily scrawled on the front- almost like the person who wrote it didn’t have enough respect to write it nicely.

He tore open the top and pulled out a paper, expecting a long letter with an explanation. _Any_ explanation! _How dare he do this to me? Why didn’t he say anything? I could’ve helped him, I-_

Illusions of paragraphs and paragraphs on-end evaporated into thin air as his eyes caught onto the few words there.

_“Was this just for attention too, Micha?”_

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone catch the vague Rent reference?
> 
> Okay, but joking aside:
> 
> Biphobia's a real issue that the LGBTQ+ community struggles with. And it's not just homophobic people saying stuff like this. It's other gays and lesbians too who claim bisexuality isn't a real thing or assume that bisexual people won't be able to commit to them if they like another gender too. BISEXUALS STILL HAVE A SENSE OF LOYALTY!! That's like saying I won't date a straight guy because of the fact that he's ABLE to be attracted to other girls who aren't me. Bisexuals make up MOST of the LGBTQ+ group and yet some are scared to come out as so and instead hide under the homosexual or heterosexual umbrella. It's honestly so ridiculous and I'm not even mentioning all of the issues here.
> 
> So yeah, Michael's a dick in this fic, but try not to be like him. Defend bisexuals and fight off ALL forms of hatred, including biphobia. Okay, thanks! <3


End file.
